We’ve all experienced anger at one time or another, it’s in many ways a perfectly, natural and normal state, ranging from mind frustration to intense rage. When you become angry physiological and biological changes occur within the body- heart rate and blood pressure are elevated and adrenalin production increases.
For some people, there is a specific external stimulus that sets off their anger process; it could be the behaviour of another person for example. Or, there may be not external stimulus at all. It is of course possible for memories and thoughts to greatly impact on the emotional state- you can even make yourself angry just by thinking certain thoughts. For many, the response to angry feelings is to react in a spontaneous and powerful way- this could mean physical aggression, verbal aggression, or general negative behaviour and reaction to others around them. This may lead us to question whether this emotion really is a beneficial one to have- from what we know so far, it seems to cause a lot of problems. Well, I’m telling you now that this anger that you have is a very important emotional skill. Your anger is there to serve you, it provides a vital function- it lets you know that something is wrong. Perhaps you haven’t asserted yourself in the right way which led to frustration that built into anger, or perhaps you did not at sometime enforce a boundary where you should have. Maybe you’re stressing yourself by thinking problematic thoughts, or you’ve got so angry for so long, you’ve hard wired yourself to go there at the drop of a hat, completely unreasonably and illogically. Whatever it is, your anger is there to tell you that something is not right and something about the way you’re dealing with this situation, needs to change. Some people believe that it’s a good idea to expel angry aggression, by say, boxing, or doing some kind of physical activity. It is my belief that this simply re-enforces the anger behaviour pattern. It’s a bit like keep putting out a reoccurring fire, without finding out how to stop it occurring in the first place.
I’ve said it before, so I’ll say it again, the feelings exist within you- so guess where the changes need to be made- that’s right. Things need to change in you.
We already know that hypnosis causes deep, deep, deep relaxation and the reason why this is essential for angry people, is because it calms you down- plus some positive suggestions for reacting differently in the future can be made and accepted by the unconscious. Using NLP rapport building techniques helps you to discover how to use your communication effectively, so that you’re able to get your point across, without becoming aggressive, or compromising your boundaries.
Learning how to plan better, will help you to feel more in control and at ease, and a specific NLP technique called anchoring can ensure that you have access to positive resourceful states, whenever your patience is tested.
Understanding how your mind works, how you represent the world to yourself and expanding your point of view, all help you to consider the other possibilities around you, so that what seemed like a dead end or problem, becomes something better. Suddenly there is light at the end of the tunnel, and you can even defuse the anger with a smile.
“I am more in control, more laid back.”
By Gemma Bailey
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