Tag Archives: personal development

You Are Rewarded

Once upon a time, rewards were reserved for children, often in the form of stickers on a star chart. However, those days are long gone, as the concept of rewards has now entered the lives of adults.

Tesco, Sainsbury’s, and Boots offer excellent rewards for my shopping habits. When I take advantage of online offers, I occasionally receive a bonus. Plus, I get a discount if I pay my car insurance fully.

Are rewards still effective? I attended an event recently where the speaker incentivised action-takers with rewards during his sales pitch. Seeing people jump up and rush to the sales desk was impressive, demonstrating that rewards still have some influence.

In essence, receiving a reward means gaining something for your efforts. Take, for instance, the case of a Springer Spaniel named Poppy who has gone missing near my neighbourhood. If I manage to locate her, I will be rewarded. It’s a straightforward trade-off. However, Tesco and Sainsbury’s employ a more clever strategy.

The process often starts with you making the initial contribution, after which you receive a reward. However, to claim that reward, you need to invest even more. **Therapy** operates similarly to Sainsbury’s model, where the client takes the initiative to reach out to the coach or therapist. They are provided with tools and techniques designed to empower them, but these come at a cost. In **Hertfordshire** and **North London**, we have skilled **NLP** and **Hypnotherapy** practitioners ready to assist you in making the desired changes 🧠✨.

Payment can take many forms; it might be the tangible cash in hand or the emotional investment and mental shifts required for growth. However, the benefits extend far beyond the initial transaction. When clients embrace their authentic selves or break free from past challenges, the positive effects ripple into various aspects of their lives. These rewards are ongoing, and so the commitment must persist. Clients must keep channelling their positive thoughts and energy into their newfound abilities, or the benefits flow may dwindle.

Sometimes, the benefits might not appear significant, timely, or extensive enough, leading clients to withdraw their investments. It’s crucial to grasp what rewards the client desires, their timeline for receiving them, and whether those expectations are attainable. Documenting these details is similar to the terms and conditions associated with your shopping rewards. A skilled **NLP** therapist or **Hypnotherapy** coach in **Hertfordshire**, **St Albans**, or our **North London** **therapy** rooms will collaborate with you to help you establish these goals.

It can sometimes be beneficial to embrace the idea of not receiving immediate rewards. Engaging in activities simply because they are necessary can be challenging for many, especially those accustomed to quick and intense gratification. For instance, individuals who struggle with weight often find themselves indulging in unhealthy foods for that instant pleasure. Transitioning away from such habits and incorporating exercise may involve some discomfort, but the long-term benefits far outweigh the fleeting satisfaction of a slice of cake šŸŽ‚. Choosing healthier options can lead to a longer, more active life. You may discover that the eventual benefits are more significant by forgoing immediate rewards. Learning to perform tasks without expecting any reward can be incredibly valuable. Often, these actions lead to the most fulfilling rewards. Seeking guidance from an **NLP** practitioner or **Hypnotherapist** in **Hertfordshire**, **Hemel Hempstead**, or through **online therapy via Zoom** can support your weight loss journey and help you maintain a healthy diet.

A client shared a story about a time he felt terrific about himself. He recounted how he once assisted a couple with a tiny baby whose car had broken down. He offered them shelter for the night at his home, but they never contacted him again. There was no external recognition or reward, just the warm satisfaction of knowing he had done a kind deed 😊.

Sometimes, the most significant rewards you can get are the ones you least expect!

By Gemma Bailey

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Eating Disorders

Eating disorders can manifest in various forms and present a range of symptoms. The three most commonly recognised eating disorders are anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating disorder.

Individuals who have anorexia often engage in extreme food restriction, sometimes avoiding food for days due to an intense fear of gaining weight. This behaviour can lead to severe health complications, as the body lacks the essential nutrients to function correctly. Anorexia can be life-threatening, making it critical to seek **therapy** as soon as possible. Those struggling with this disorder frequently have a distorted perception of their bodies when they look in the mirror. While it may seem that the issue is solely about body image, the deeper problem often lies in their desire for control. Many individuals with anorexia are on a relentless quest for perfection, yet they rarely feel they achieve it.

**Hypnotherapy** can help reduce the anxiety that stems from the immense pressure individuals with anorexia often place on themselves. It also provides a means to explore and address any lingering negative emotions tied to past experiences that may have contributed to the development of the disorder. These sessions are available **online via Zoom**, and in-person in **Hertfordshire**, **North London**, **St Albans**, and **Hemel Hempstead** šŸ§ šŸ’¬.

**NLP** and **Hypnotherapy** offer practical ways to improve self-esteem, mainly when it is low. By focusing on solutions that address the emotional needs of someone with anorexia, rather than adding stress by fixating on food and weight gain, we can create a more supportive environment. This approach is especially beneficial in the early stages, as it aligns with the individual’s focus and fosters internal motivation to heal.

Bulimia presents a distinct set of symptoms that set it apart from other eating disorders. Those with bulimia often consume large quantities of food in a short period, which may follow periods of starvation. After these binge episodes, they typically induce vomiting or use laxatives to eliminate the food. This cycle can occur sporadically, ranging from every few weeks to daily, and many individuals may binge eat in secret.

Like anorexia, bulimia is closely linked to self-esteem issues and various emotional challenges. However, despite being more common than anorexia, bulimia often goes unnoticed. This is mainly because individuals with bulimia may appear to have a normal body weight or be slightly overweight. Nevertheless, the risks are just as serious, and the impact on overall health can be profoundly damaging.

**Hypnotherapy** and **NLP** provide valuable tools for addressing the emotional hurdles faced by individuals with bulimia. Through hypnotic suggestions, fostering more positive behaviours while exploring past relationships and emotional experiences is possible. Additionally, hypnotic techniques can help individuals become more attuned to their body’s natural fullness signals, reducing the urge to binge.

Eating disorders do not always result in significant weight loss; in fact, obesity is becoming an increasingly urgent issue. Projections suggest that within a few years, one-third of the UK population could be classified as obese. While unhealthy eating habits are often associated with obesity, binge eating is another major contributing factor. This behaviour involves consuming large amounts of food throughout the day or eating even when already full. The long-term health consequences of these patterns are severe, including risks of heart disease, diabetes, and high blood pressure.

Negative emotions often trigger binge eating. People risk establishing a harmful cycle when they turn to food out of boredom or for comfort. This cycle can lead to a reliance on food whenever boredom or emotional distress arises. However, **Hypnotherapy**, **NLP**, and consistent **therapy** can help redirect the mind towards healthier ways to address these needs. By using hypnotic suggestions, individuals can develop motivation to meet their needs constructively. Consistent practice of these suggestions can form new, healthier habits and a more peaceful relationship with food šŸ½ļøšŸ’›.

Whether you’re based in **North London**, **Hemel Hempstead**, **St Albans**, **Hertfordshire**, or prefer the convenience of **online therapy via Zoom**, there are supportive and effective options available to help you on your journey to recovery.

By Gemma Bailey

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Overcoming Nail Biting Through Hypnotherapy

Nail biting is often regarded as a chronic detrimental habit, frequently associated with symptoms of anxiety or stress. This behaviour can manifest unconsciously, making individuals unaware of the moments when they place their fingers in their mouths to bite their nails. Conversely, some individuals may recognise their actions yet feel an irresistible urge to persist, rationalising their behaviour by citing imperfections or tears in their nails as justification for continued biting.

The unconscious mind controls all behaviours and habits. Thus, any necessary changes must be made at this level. **Hypnotherapy** is an effective method for altering unconscious thoughts and behaviours. This is because, during hypnosis, the conscious mind is less active than in our normal waking state. As a result, suggestions can be readily accepted without being scrutinised or filtered by the conscious mind.

For clients based in **North London**, **St Albans**, **Hemel Hempstead**, or **Hertfordshire**, or for those who prefer working remotely **online via Zoom**, professional support is easily accessible. In these settings, **therapy** combining **Hypnotherapy** and **NLP** techniques can be tailored to each individual’s unique experience with nail biting šŸ§ šŸ’….

Specific individuals persist in biting their nails beyond the nail bed, resulting in soreness and bleeding of the fingers. However, even those not engaging in such severe behaviour may still inflict damage upon themselves through nail biting. A significant amount of bacteria resides beneath the nails, particularly on unwashed hands, with *Staphylococcus* being one such bacterium that can be present. This bacterium is associated with illnesses like impetigo and toxic shock syndrome.

Nail biting may also lead to dental damage, as biting down on nails can cause teeth to collide with significant force. Although nails are composed of keratin, the same material found in hair, the rapid and forceful contact between teeth can result in harm 🦷.

In my experience, the most effective treatment for addressing nail-biting behaviour in patients has been **Hypnotherapy**, combined with carefully crafted hypnotic suggestions to induce feelings of nausea when the fingers are brought to the mouth. This method not only acts as a preventive measure for nail biting but also brings the behaviour to the patient’s conscious awareness, allowing them to decide whether to continue the habit.

To complement this, **NLP** interventions are used to identify triggers and patterns behind the behaviour, replacing them with healthier coping mechanisms. Integrating tools such as **self-hypnosis** or **hakalau** can provide new, calming alternatives that lead to deep relaxation and break the cycle of unconscious response.

Whether you’re based in **Hertfordshire**, **St Albans**, **North London**, or looking for **therapy** sessions **online on Zoom**, there are effective solutions available to help you overcome this habit and regain control.

A client said, “My stress management has improved. I don’t feel as tense. I think I’m cured! My nails are starting to grow.” 🌟

By Gemma Bailey

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The Fear of Public Speaking and Stage Anxiety

Have you ever felt you could sense people’s eyes on you? If so, you’ll understand the powerful impact a skilled public speaker can have. A confident public speaker radiates calmness, charisma, and ease when addressing an audience. Their voice remains steady, as if they were speaking to close friends, even if the audience is made up of strangers. Their tone is enthusiastic, sparking interest in the topic, and their body language complements their message without overshadowing the content of their speech.

Public speaking can be a daunting challenge for many, particularly if they feel they lack the necessary skills. Those nervous about speaking in front of others often have an internal feedback system that alerts them when something isn’t quite right. This can manifest in physical symptoms like sweating, a shaky voice, or mental blocks. Fortunately, there are effective treatments available, such as **NLP**’s fast phobia intervention and **Hypnotherapy**. Through **Hypnotherapy**, individuals can visualise themselves responding calmly in situations that once caused anxiety while also receiving suggestions for new behaviours and positive thought patterns. These techniques are offered in **North London**, **Hertfordshire**, **St Albans**, **Hemel Hempstead**, and also **online via Zoom** šŸ’».

Some individuals may be competent public speakers but struggle to captivate their audience truly. This can make it difficult for them to identify the root of the problem. They might receive feedback about their presentations falling flat or feeling disconnected from the audience, such as a lack of eye contact or visible disinterest. Incorporating hypnotic suggestions and basic body language and gestures training can be highly beneficial. This is where tailored **therapy** can make a lasting difference , helping speakers develop not just confidence, but genuine connection with their listeners.

Exploring the world of the “Satir categories” is a particular passion of mine. Virginia Satir’s groundbreaking work identified five physical gestures that reveal a person’s inner thoughts and behaviours. By recognising and interpreting these gestures, families in **therapy** can bridge gaps in understanding each other’s emotions and assumptions. These same insights are incredibly powerful when applied to public speaking and communication in general.

Incorporating these gestures into public speaking training, alongside techniques for voice modulation and the use of impactful sensory language, can significantly enhance presentations. These tools help to emphasise key points and keep the audience engaged throughout the talk šŸŽ¤āœØ.

Whether you’re seeking help for performance anxiety or looking to sharpen your impact in front of a crowd, combining **NLP**, **Hypnotherapy**, and strategic communication coaching can bring about remarkable transformation. Sessions are available in person across **Hertfordshire** and **St Albans**, or remotely via **Zoom**, making it easy and flexible to access the support you need.

One client shared:Ā “I’ve found myself getting less worked up in meeting situations.” 😊

By Gemma Bailey

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The Application of Hypnosis in Pain Management

In 1838, the first recorded instance of painless hypnosis surgery took place. Dr. Elliotson seized the opportunity to demonstrate hypnosis (then referred to as mesmerism) to the public at London University College Hospital. By 1845, James Esdaile had successfully performed over 2,000 operations, including amputations, on hypnotised patients who reported feeling no pain during the procedures.

In 1955, hypnosis received official approval from the British Medical Association. This endorsement followed its successful use during World War II to treat soldiers suffering from post-traumatic stress and even to carry out surgeries in situations where medical resources were limited.

While the exact mechanism behind hypnosis for pain control remains unclear, research suggests it may be based on a ‘dissociation model’, similar to what is observed in patients with Multiple Personality Disorder. Dissociation can effectively eliminate pain by placing it in a kind of psychological storage area, away from the patient’s conscious awareness. Throughout history, there are numerous accounts of hypnosis being used as an alternative to anaesthetics.

This dissociation model is often called the “hidden observer” model of cognition.

Hypnotherapy, combined with modern techniques such as NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), can offer powerful results for those managing chronic discomfort. These methods are available through therapy sessions in North London, Hertfordshire, St Albans, and Hemel Hempstead, or conveniently online via Zoom šŸ’»šŸ§ .

NLP can also be an effective method for reducing pain. By identifying the submodalities associated with their pain, essentially the mental coding linked to the experience, individuals can adjust these submodalities to see how it affects their perception of pain. For example, they can focus on the submodalities of a pain-free area of the body or recall a time when they were free from pain to create a contrast. This allows them to adjust the submodalities of their pain to match those of a pain-free state. For instance, if someone describes their pain as a red, throbbing ball, they might experiment with reimagining it as a pink, wobbly blob to see if that changes their experience of discomfort.

This type of therapy, especially when combined with Hypnotherapy and NLP, is a gentle, drug-free alternative to managing certain types of pain. Practitioners in St Albans, Hertfordshire, or online on Zoom can guide you through this process to help you shift your perspective and, in turn, your physical experience.

It’s important to remember that pain is your body’s way of signalling that something is wrong. Before using these techniques to manage or override pain, you must seek approval from your doctor.

“I had tried many other options. I had nothing to lose and an open mind. Gemma made me feel extremely comfortable.” 😊

By Gemma Bailey

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Getting the Well-being Balance Back with NLP and Hypnotherapy

TheĀ EncartaĀ® World English Dictionary defines well-being as: Supporting good health in a manner that encourages health and physical well-being (often used together). Good health or luck: a good, healthy, or comfortable condition.

However, another definition states:Ā A good or satisfactory condition of existence; a state characterised by health, happiness, and prosperity; welfare: to influence the well-being of the nation and its people.

The second definition presents well-being as a combination of health, happiness, and prosperity rather than focusing on just one element. I believe this perspective offers a more accurate representation of true well-being. By evaluating different areas of our lives, perhaps through a coaching tool like the Wheel of Life, it becomes clear how interconnected these aspects are. For instance, financial stress can lead to health issues, while strong relationships can enhance our patience and tolerance in the workplace. True well-being flourishes when there is balance across all facets of our lives.

This is where Hypnotherapy, NLP, and therapy can play a vital role. Whether you’re based in North London, Hertfordshire, St Albans, Hemel Hempstead, or prefer sessions online on Zoom, these powerful approaches can help restore balance and clarity to all areas of life 🌿✨.

An interesting point about these definitions is their use of terms like “good” or “satisfactory” rather than more extravagant words such as “excellent” or “amazing.” It is vital for individuals to have dreams and goals, no matter how you label them. This is especially important for men, who often have abundant, intense energy (unlike the gentler, nurturing energy frequently associated with women). It is crucial to channel this energy into setting and achieving goals. Without them, a man may lose direction in life.

That said, it’s equally important to maintain realistic expectations. If you believe that every moment must be extraordinary to feel fulfilled, you may struggle to satisfy your well-being needs. Similarly, if you wait to experience well-being only after reaching your goals, you’ll spend significant time missing out on that feeling while working towards them. Why not embrace a sense of well-being as you pursue your ambitions? By setting more attainable expectations for feeling good, you can enhance your overall sense of well-being. Does this mean you should stop dreaming big? Absolutely not! Dream big, but take time daily to appreciate and find joy in the small victories 🌈.

For example:

Finances – An enormous goal could be to earn Ā£100,000 in six months, but if you can feel prosperous by finding Ā£1.00 down the back of the sofa, you’ll tap into feelings of prosperity more easily.

Health and Fitness – An enormous goal could be to lose three stone in eight months, but if you can feel the same sense of achievement with each pound you lose, you’ll be more motivated to continue working towards your goal.

Personal Relationships, A big goal could be getting married, but a more straightforward expectation that can make you feel good more quickly could be feeling connected to your partner during a date.

Spirituality – An enormous goal could be to achieve total spiritual enlightenment. Still, if you can feel spiritual even while your questions about life and the universe remain unanswered, you can always feel spiritual.

Personal Development – An enormous goal could be attending a Ā£5,000 training course, but if you feel you’re developing yourself while reading a good book (like this one), you can grow much more quickly.

Fun, A big goal could be to have a certain number of holidays each year, but you can also have fun spending lunchtime with friends if you intend to enjoy the moment.

Career – Striving for a significant achievement like a promotion is great, but don’t forget that boosting your well-being can be as simple as recognising a colleague’s hard work and making them feel appreciated.

Family – While aiming for a harmonious household is a significant goal, finding immediate joy could be as simple as taking a weekend stroll with your family.

It’s important to have challenges in life for personal growth, but it’s equally important to simplify things. Some people make life more complicated than it needs to be, but I disagree with that approach. Making life easier can lead to a greater sense of well-being and attract more success.

If you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or off-balance, therapy, Hypnotherapy, and NLP can help you gain insight, clear mental clutter, and restore a sense of calm. These services are available in St Albans, Hemel Hempstead, North London, and across the globe via Zoom šŸ§ šŸ’¬.

By Gemma Bailey

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Boost Your Creativity

The Encarta dictionary defines creativity as “the ability to use the imagination to develop new and original ideas or things, especially in an artistic context.”

Creativity and imagination are largely linked with right brain functions, whereas analytic and rationalised thinking is more associated with the left brain.

As individuals, we may tend to be more inclined to naturally use one side of the brain more than the other, which would define the ability we have to tap into our creative talents. Of course, there are influences in our lives as we grow up, that are responsible for either nurturing or stifling our creativity. For example, most of our schooling tends to focus much more on learning via the left brain, encouraging logical and objective learning, as opposed to holistic experiential learning which is related to the right brain.

Creating can lead to a deep sense of satisfaction and there are many different ways that people can express creativity. The common factors tend to be that a great feeling of compulsion to do something. Then throughout the process of doing it, a connection with oneself, or even a feeling of motivation or trance-like experience. If the person remains motivated to continue their project until completion, they will feel a great sense of pride once the process is successfully completed. Just imagine if it was a requirement of your job to feel this good every day! In fact, those who set up their own business often do so as an extension of a hobby or creative process that they already enjoy.

If you are not a natural creator, how can you develop this skill to create more wholeness and inspiration?

Here are some tips:

1. Have a few sessions of Life Coaching to help uncover the things you value most in your life and begin shaping your dreams. Motivational techniques can also be applied if a sense of uncertainty prevents you from taking the steps you need to make.

2. Listen to music that makes you feel good and switch off the news! Often the news is depressing and can put you in a bad state.

3. Make lots of notes. You never know when those good ideas will sneak up on you and if you don’t jot them down, they may be forgotten.

4. Get inspired. Look at other people’s creative work, either in the field you are interested in, or just in the natural environment around you.

5. Do some brainstorming around your chosen idea. This will move it from pie in the sky to the specific steps you will need to make.

6. Read books. Books are great for expanding ideas and are “healthier” for your brain than watching the telly all the darn time!

7. Keep your brain fit by doing crosswords, and quizzes and participating in creative and intelligent conversations.

8. Be healthy in your body. Your mind and your body are linked so you need to look after both. Feed them healthy food and exercise them both.

9. Write a list of how you will feel and how your life will be affected by expressing your creativity. What will it mean to you?

10. When you get an idea, do something about it, before someone else beats you to it!

“Thank you all so much, this has made a positive change in my life.”

 

By Gemma Bailey
www.hypnotherapyandnlp.co.ukĀ 

The Power of A Great Motivational Video!

If you’re like everyone else, then you’re probably suffering in silence. Ā 

Everyone gets them bad days where nothing goes right from the moment you jump out of bed and sometimes bad days continue from one day to the next then eventually a week passes, then a month. Ā 

When nothing is going right or your way and you’re feeling a bit down in the mouth about it – Go to Youtube on your phone, tablet or computer and type in ā€˜Motivational videos’. I have included an incredible Motivational video for you below but there are loads more online and you might find one or two which really reach out to you and relates to you!Ā 

If you’re not happy with your life, do something about it!

  • Learn a new skill
  • Share a joke or a new fact with the person next to you
  • Seek out someone who inspires youĀ 
  • Set some goals for yourselfĀ 
  • Change your career or take up an evening courseĀ 
  • Start a journal to note down your thoughts and find the right path

Remember: Never Give Up After A Bad Day!Ā 

 

NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) is all about confidence, self-esteem and how to deal with emotional issues. The Hypnotherapy and NLP Clinic offers a free consultation, we can share with you some NLP techniques that you can use to motivate yourself, and give yourself confidence and we can give you access to these positive thoughts on a daily basis.

The Hypnotherapy and NLP Clinic is a team of therapists who specialise in hypnotherapy, NLP, CBT and coaching in Hertfordshire, Bedfordshire, Buckinghamshire and North London. We provide therapy sessions for adults and children wishing to overcome anxiety, stress and depression and for those who wish to overcome phobias or stop bad habits such as smoking. We specialise in working with NHS Staff and the Police. Call 0203 6677294 or emailĀ clinic@HypnotherapyandNLP.co.uk

Find out more about Hypnotherapy, NLP & CBT in Hertfordshire, Bedfordshire, Buckinghamshire or North London here:Ā www.HypnotherapyandNLP.co.uk

 

By Gemma Bailey
www.hypnotherapyandNLP.co.ukĀ 

Doing the Right Thing for you!

Ecology is the study of consequences on the wider system. If you imagine that there is a circle and you are inside the circle. Surrounding your circle is a wider circle that contains ā€˜others’ and surrounding both your circle and the ‘other’s’ circle is a third circle which contains the greater good. When we talk about ecology, we’re looking at those three different circles (you, others and the greater good). If we are thinking about doing the right thing to do, the question we would be asking is, is this good for me, is it good for others and does it serve the greater good? If the answer to any of those questions is ā€˜No’ then it’s likely there may be trouble ahead.Ā  Ā 

It may be that the thing that you want to do, isn’t going to be right for others around you. Sometimes doing the right thing might be right for everybody else but not yourself! This is something I can help you to understand and work through at my therapy practice in Hemel Hempstead.

There will be situations where doing the right thing for yourself instead of doing the right thing for others is okay. This is where it starts to get a bit more complex, it comes down to what happens if you don’t take care of yourself. If you’re on an aircraft and the oxygen mask comes down, you should put your own on before you put on other people’s masks. Because if you’re not going to be in a good place then do you continue to bring value to others? Doing the right thing for yourself first and putting yourself ahead of others might actually be the right thing to do because it may mean that in the future you serve or save others more because you first took care of yourself.

What that means is that sometimes doing the right thing might feel wrong because it may feel as if you are being mean and it might feel as if you are exercising tough love. What I think is really important here is thinking about the longer-term ramifications of the decisions that you take when you are doing or thinking of what the right thing is going to be for you to do. It’s not just about what will this do right now and tomorrow and next week but beyond that and sometimes in doing the right thing, it’s also about taking a risk because we don’t know what the future is going to look like, we can’t plan for that and we can’t think about the implications. A good NLP coach will be able to help you think through the consequences of your decision.

For example, in my other company, we became very successful at writing applications for funding, both for ourselves as a company and also for the other organisations who wanted to apply for funding in order that they could work with us. The downside of doing that whilst I felt very encouraged to do so as it helps low-income families and children, we were breaking the rules. Each organisation should be writing their own application. They shouldn’t have been using an outside bid writer i.e me in order to do it. However, a part of me knows we were serving the greater good and therefore we did the right thing.

The difference between the right thing and the wrong thing is not always as clear as black and white it’s very often in that weird grey area too.Ā 

By Gemma Bailey
www.hypnotherapyandnlp.co.ukĀ 

Take My Advice

Here is a format for giving good advice. I found this advice on a friend’s Facebook feed and I want to share some of it with you because it’s clever, creative and funny advice. When you give advice to somebody, use modal verbs or in NLP terms, we refer to those as modal operators. These are words such as can, can’t, should, shouldn’t, would, wouldn’t, have and/or haven’t.

Some modal verbs carry more influence than others. For example, ā€˜should’ sounds quite flexible, doesn’t it? Whereas, the words ā€˜have to’ is more forceful ā€˜you have to do this’. I would suggest with modal verbs whilst that’s good advice to use those because they do give flexibility, actually be cautious about which ones you choose because some of them really imply kind of like ‘here’s something you might want to consider’ whereas others are much more directive and ‘you need to do this’.

In my experience of giving advice, there are times when being forceful is appropriate but it’s probably not where you want to start because if you start by giving people forceful advice and the rapport isn’t there, you’re likely to get some resistance. Whereas if you are putting the idea out there with a softer approach, you’re less likely to get resistance but you’re also potentially more likely for them to not follow through because they’re not taking the suggestion as seriously. I would start with a light approach in dealing with them and if they don’t follow through you can then go in all guns blazing!Ā 

Making your advice into a question displaces resistance because the person listening to the advice (the receiver of the advice) has an opportunity to either respond or not because it’s a question.

When we give advice at the hypnotherapy and NLP clinic in Hertfordshire, there may be times when the instruction is more like a command and this needs to be delivered very carefully. If we are being forceful it’s possible to get resistance and lose our rapport and then we don’t have the leverage thereafter. If we start with a question then it’s softer, the person who is receiving the advice feels like they have an opportunity to either take it or not take it but if they don’t take it then we may want to repeat the suggestion with more of a command around the advice that we’re giving and with a more commanding tonality.

When we are advising people we can use questions, statements or commands. The difference between the three lies in your tone of voice. When we ask a question our intonation at the end of the sentence tends to pitch up. Whereas if we’re making a statement then our tone tends to stay on the same melody – our tone doesn’t tend to go up or down at the end our tone stays on the same path. When our pitch goes down at the end of the sentence, this implies that we are being more commanding. One of the best syntaxes that you can use is to combine a question with a commanding tonality. The conscious mind knows not to get offended because it was structured as a question whereas on an unconscious level the command intonation is what’s picked up on recognised and reacted too.Ā 

Next ā€˜put yourself in the other person’s position’. If someone is asking for your advice it’s useful to imagine yourself being in that person’s position. This is a good way to explain your advice.

In NLP, we have a process called the ā€˜perceptual positions process’ which does precisely that. You associate into the perspective of somebody else. It’s kind of a role-play exercise and it’s really beneficial for being able to see a problematic situation through the eyes of the person that you’re in the problematic situation with, sometimes when we give advice we do it from our own perspective because that’s easy to do. We know what it’s like to be in our skin and how we might feel or react to a certain situation but it’s less easy to think about it from someone else’s perspective because they’ve got all of their values, their history and their own considerations so just throwing the advice at them actually it might not resonate with them.

Sometimes when we give advice that they may take or leave you can deliver it as ā€˜I recommend, I would suggest’. This gives them the opportunity to react in the right way – the way that I want them to! If they don’t then the feedback becomes stronger and more commanding and I then take the opportunity to switch it from ā€˜you could/I would suggest’ to ‘this needs to happen this way’.

Before I leave you some funny and creative advice I also found on my friend’s Facebook:

  • Don’t date anyone whose personality you have to explain to others.
  • Never date someone if they don’t have many friends there’s probably a good reason.
  • When taking the rubbish out use that time to eat your secret sweets or chocolate that you hide away from your kids!Ā 
  • If you have teens listen more than you talk.
  • Always put the toilet seat down when finished.
  • When you’re scrubbing the toilet keep your mouth closed.

I hope that has been amusing and useful for you!Ā 

Gemma Bailey
www.hypntherapyandnlp.co.ukĀ